A senior’s quest to beat Kim Kardashian: Hollywood

The sound of my screaming fans sends a rush of adrenaline through my body, and I flash a smile to the crowd as blinding lights of paparazzi cameras go off one after the other. Wads of cash are thrown at me by the hundreds, and I hastily pick it all up as my rank number slowly rises.

Now, let’s pause and picture me in public, clutching my phone and frantically pressing buttons here and there as my friends watch with a mixture of embarrassment and concern. But I must conceal my shame; this is just the price that comes with being an A-list celebrity on the frighteningly addicting app, “Kim Kardashian: Hollywood.”

In case you haven’t heard of this app, here’s a little background. You start the game as a nobody working at a clothing store, until none other than Kim Kardashian just happens to venture in. You befriend her by saving her from a fashion emergency, thus beginning your quest to rise in status from the dreaded E-list to the coveted A-list.

When I first downloaded the app, I had heard so much about how impossible it is to reach the A-list, so I really didn’t expect to get anywhere.

For five days I played the game non-stop, striving to reach my goal. I attended gig after gig, which helps build up my fanbase, until I almost felt like giving up. Plus, I was forced to go on “dates” for publicity with guys who never failed to hurl insults about my outfits. “I could write a poem about how lacking your outfit is. Want to hear it?” is just one example of the many hurtful comments I have received.

Attending gigs and going on dates in this game involves clicking buttons repeatedly until you reach five stars. If you fail to reach at least four stars, your fanbase can drop exponentially.

The frustration of climbing the ranks got overwhelming and I contemplated deleting the app several times, but after about a week and a half of dedication and determination, my character was finally an A-lister. It’s sad to admit, but this was probably my proudest accomplishment all summer.

When most people reach the A-list, they get bored and delete the app — cough cough Jade Bisht — feeling as though there is nothing left to work toward. But not me. No, I worked too hard to get here, and I am going to get myself to rank  No. 1 even if it takes months (I’m currently at rank No. 113; please send moral support).

Recently, I’ve hit a few obstacles during my quest to be No.1. When school started, my workload piled up so I neglected my celebrity double life for just one day. The next morning, I opened the app to discover that I had lost a million fans, and read a “tweet” that said something along the lines of, “Has anyone heard of Sherrilyn lately, or did she disappear off the face of the Earth?” My ranking went down by five and I nearly threw my phone in frustration. About three days’ worth of playing evaporated, just like that.

I know what you’re thinking. “Wow, Sherrilyn needs friends” or “this is too stupid of a game for someone to spend that much time on.” Both of these statements are true.

I would just like to clarify that I am fully aware of how insanely pathetic I am for playing this game, and my friends never cease to remind me of this whenever I try to sneak in a few taps on my screen.

And to make matters worse, they always call me out in public. Name any location, and chances are I have openly played “Kim Kardashian: Hollywood” there. The list includes, but is not restricted to, a sushi restaurant, in line at Safeway, an orchestra concert; the list goes on. I am not proud of this.

Humiliating as my addiction is, I cannot deny it. I’ve become a sad victim of this app and the only way I can escape is by beating the game. As much as I’d like to keep talking about this game, I need to catch a flight to Soho, New York. Kim’s calling me.