Unmotivated seniors fail at prank wars

We knew it was war when we walked into the J-room and saw our faces displayed across the computer desktops. The desktop photos were unflattering, and we cringed upon seeing the humiliating portrayals of our sophomore and junior year selves.

Before that, we had only completed one small prank: getting sophomore Maya Prasad to open a fake cheese puff can with a springing snake inside. Her reaction was one of slight confusion — not exactly the terrified scream we had hoped for.

After having been pranked ourselves, we knew we had to step it up, and we were determined to carry out an elaborate revenge scheme involving rubber spiders, Saran wrap and fake homework. Unfortunately, as we’re second semester seniors, we quickly gave up on the idea.

We only sat back as the much more motivated underclassmen wreaked havoc on our lives.

Michelle walked unsuspectingly to the parking lot after school one day to find a parking ticket on the windshield of her car. Being a responsible student, she had never received a parking ticket before. She was horrified.

Her eyes scanned the ticket as she contemplated what it could be for — and then she noticed that it was signed by Maya and sophomore Jenny Qian. This traumatizing event further galvanized us to figure out how to get them back. (We later found out the prank was actually by sophomores Amulya Vadlakonda and Caitlin Ju. We spent all that effort planning revenge on the wrong team.)

An opportunity for payback presented itself one Friday evening, when an unknown number texted Michelle, thanking her for her subscription to “The Daily DiCaprio” and informing her that additional costs would be charged to her account. The text also included a sultry picture of Leonardo DiCaprio.

Since Michelle rarely gives out her phone number, she felt vaguely suspicious and tried texting “STOP” back as directed by the message, only to receive a follow-up message thanking her for subscribing to an additional stream of pictures. It quickly became apparent that she had fallen victim to yet another prank.

But Michelle was able to turn the situation around by tricking Maya into thinking that she had actually texted principal Paul Robinson. We sat back and gleefully watched as Maya threw a fit via Facebook Messenger, sure that she was going to be expelled. After letting her suffer for a few hours, we revealed the truth. It was psychological manipulation at its finest.

We then decided to launch our own offensive attack by bringing back some traditional pranks, relying on a prank kit that Rachel happened to have from years ago. Rachel placed a whoopee cushion under Maya’s spot on the J-room couch and a fake spider on the couch for good measure.

To our dismay, the whoopee cushion made no sound when Maya sat on it. And Rachel chickened out at the last minute and removed the spider before Maya could see it, not feeling cruel enough to take advantage of Maya’s fear of bugs.

Rachel slightly regretted her merciful act later that day when she discovered a “For Sale” sign on her car’s windshield. She was particularly distressed by the price stated: $20 or a pack of gum.

Thus ended the war and the half-hearted prank attempts of two unmotivated seniors. Our final verdict: We’re too old for prank wars, anyway.