Ask Sara… #4

Editor’s Note: These questions were gathered from an anonymous account (ask.fm/AskSaraToga) and were then answered to the best of “Sara Toga’s” ability.

 

Dear Sara, I have two friends. One is the fun one that I go on wild adventures with and the other one plays it safe but is reliable. They refuse to hang out together and it's beginning to become difficult to find different times to hang out with them. What should I do?

It’s nice that these two are opposites, in that you can experience two different things with each of them. But hanging out with friends isn’t meant to be a chore. If you really can’t get them to hang out, then it’s OK. You have friends, not because you have to see them every day. Hang out with whichever one you want whenever you feel like it. And remember, communication is key. If you don’t want to hang out with one of them, tell them. If you do, tell them that too. And it doesn’t hurt to be frank with one friend about hanging out with the other.

 

Dear Sara, I want to get to know someone better, but I'm really nervous about approaching them because I'm a pretty shy person. How do I get up my nerve to make new friends?

When you get to know someone, there is a quota of awkward silences that two people must struggle to fill. Mutual crisis always brings the two parties together, and this is exactly what will happen. And if not, then clearly, you’re not awkward enough. Sorry.

 

Dear Sara, how do I not die?

Just keep swimming.

 

Dear Sara, I'm really sensitive about what people think of me. I often feel like people don’t like me. How do I become more confident and stop worrying about this so much?

Let me start out by telling you: You are not alone in this feeling. So many people struggle with low self-confidence and self-image. When just one person tells you that you are ugly or annoying, it is incredibly difficult to believe the hundred other people who tell you otherwise. It’s an understandable feeling, and is definitely not easy to overcome. But it’s just a matter of knowing yourself. Be secure in who you are. Whether that means telling yourself every morning what your best attributes are, or if it means dressing better (trust me, the perfect accessories can do wonders), it’s all up to you. And, just to understand the situation differently, ask yourself what the worst case scenario is. Did someone say that you’re too loud? Too quiet? Too skinny? Too fat? Who cares? Not me, and definitely not you.

 

Dear Sara, what’s the best way to get through the six weeks with no breaks without losing my mind?

Make your own breaks. We all get it: We have to make time for our academics, our extracurricular activities, our families, our friends, and most importantly ourselves. But let’s be honest. We can spare a few minutes every day for a little bit of relaxation. Put down the APUSH homework or the SAT prep, and just take a second to breathe. And then get back to work, because that homework won’t finish itself.

 

Dear Sara, I don’t like pants. What should I do?

I would say go in your underwear, but really, only Neil Patrick Harris can pull that off. Or shorts, but unless your name is Apoorv Kwatra, that’s taken.

Looks like you’ll just have to tough it out.

 

Dear Sara, I get really nervous when I go somewhere where I don't know anybody that well. How can I integrate myself into a social situation where I'm really nervous or unconfident?

You must’ve heard of the saying, “fake it till you make it.” Most of the world pretends that they’re a lot more confident than they really are. It becomes easier to meet and interact with new people once you realize you’re all on the same playing field. Your anxiety is definitely not unfounded, but it becomes much easier to understand and overcome when you think about what you’re really nervous about. Chances are, everyone else is just as nervous. Anyways, it’s really normal to be like this. Think about it, if you were totally comfortable with it, wouldn’t they be slightly unsettled? There’s a healthy amount of “faking it”; take advantage of that.