How to have an awesome single’s day

In almost every movie, television series and novel with a Valentine’s Day special, there’s always that happy couple who has a romantic evening with a candlelight dinner, and of course, the lonely, single friend, who spends his night with a movie and a box of chocolates labeled “to me, from me.”
    However, despite the media’s attempt to downplay single’s night on Valentine’s Day, there is still hope to have the experience of a lifetime.
    Instead of being stuck to the couch, watching a depressing chick-flick with food in hand, go out and enjoy life to its full extent. Be happy that you aren’t bound by the iron shackles of a relationship and enjoy your independence.
    First things first, we all know very well how cheap the candy is on Valentine’s Day. Hop down over to Safeway and pick out the best deal on some delicious treats without feeling guilty that this candy is only for you. Getting a good deal is always the first step to feeling good. Now that the candy is out of the way, maybe go out for an adventure, just to add some whimsy and thrill to the day.

While other couples are on their romantic outings, take the time to explore a part of the town that has never been explored before. Find an interesting artifact at the site, such as a rock, take a long hard look at it, and pause for a moment of introspection. Examine the contours of the rock, and use your analytical skills to relate it to your life. To take a deeper look into your soul, post the picture on Instagram using the Nashville filter and see how many likes you get.

At this moment, you are free and in complete control of your life. Also, to feel extra special, go out and buy a present for yourself, such as a lightsaber, to celebrate the achievements you’ve earned in your life. The members of the Jedi Council have accepted you because your powers are great.

After the exhilarating adventure, tell mom and dad that you’re going to go for an APUSH study session, but actually hang out with some other single friends and do something unconventional. Turn off the lights and put on a horror movie, such as “The Strangers,” so that when someone, scared for their life, jumps into your arms, you can feel the love that Valentine’s Day is intended to express.

Once you have received that feeling of love and self-satisfaction from these intense, self-satisfying activities, your day is finally complete. Single’s day on Valentine’s day has officially been achieved, and no matter what the media portrays about being lonely and neglected on this special occasion, you are still a great person who can achieve anything in life.

In order to prepare for next year, contact the Love Guru. He’ll hook you up with an individual of your preference so that Valentine’s Day in 2014 will be spent more traditionally, unless, of course, unconventional is the way to go.