Can you hit on upperclassmen?

I’m not exactly what most people would call a player. Although I’m part of the water polo team and, according to multiple sources, have an “amazing body,” I do not go out of my way to flirt with girls.

But when I, a sophomore, was given a chance to flirt with upperclassmen for a newspaper story, I immediately jumped on the opportunity. Even though I knew I could end up making a fool out of myself, it could also turn out to be one of those stories I could tell my future kids 30 years from now.

To start the flirting, I decided to approach all the girls with the same pick-up line, and if all went well, I would have their number by the time one of us had to go. After searching for cheesy pick-up lines on YouTube, I found a few I liked. 

Senior Karen Sung, who happens to be the editor-in-chief of the other newspaper staff, was my first target. 

During lunch on Nov. 18, I spotted Karen walking toward me. With as much confidence as I could muster, I walked up to her and flirtatiously (at least I hope it was) said my pick-up line: “Hey do you have a band-aid, cause I scraped my knee falling for you!” 

To my disappointment, an awkward silence followed. I tried introducing myself, but I guess my stunning smile and amazing pick-up line was not enough to flatter her. After a few “um’s” and “what’s,” she bid me farewell and walked away. 

Even though it was a complete failure, I was optimistic. My thought was it could only get better from here. I promised myself that my next attempt would be much smoother, and that I would actually engage in a conversation with the girl.

Walking down the hallways during break, my wingman senior Jay Mulye, a fellow Falcon staff member, spotted my next target: senior Rachel Li.

I was genuinely nervous as I didn’t want to have another awkward exchange with a complete stranger. Still, I walked up to her and said the same pick-up line I used on Karen. (I know it was a huge mistake to use the same pick-up line twice, don’t give me hate.) Rachel didn’t seem impressed, so I went on to say “Sorry I had more pick-up lines, but I was just so mesmerized by your eyes and forgot all of them.” 

Rachel didn’t look as creeped out as Karen was, but she was still quite uncomfortable. We both went on to introduce ourselves, but before it got too awkward, my wingman Jay came along and started to feel my rock-hard abs. 

“Dude, have you felt this guy’s abs? They’re so hard! Go ahead, feel them,” Jay said. Jay then walked away while Rachel stood there looking creeped out. She never did feel them. Thanks, bro. 

She then went on to ask if I was doing this for a dare or something. At first I said it wasn’t, but our conversation became increasingly awkward so I gave in and told her I was doing this for newspaper. Deciding I could not continue this chat any longer, I said goodbye then walked away.

So after this brief experiment with flirting, my flirting may need a bit of work and that pick-up lines really are as cheesy as they sound. Pick-up lines seem to always work in movies and TV shows, but in real life, they’re not as much of a hit.

So to any ladies interested in me, just hit me up. I promise I won’t use cheesy pick-up lines.